Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life

The other night I found an opened box of Good & Plenty in the pantry, hidden behind some rarely-used spices. I have no idea how long they’d been there but it didn’t matter. My joy was unparalleled.I quickly did the math on how dried-up and hard they must be after months in candy purgatory. On a sliding scale of 1-10, with 10 being the sugary equivalent of fossilized resin, I concluded that there was no candy too desiccated for me not to enjoy. Throwing both caution and crowned molars to the wind, I decided to go for it.

Let me pause for a moment to make a very important point: I truly love sugar. I don’t mean I like it or enjoy it… I mean I’m in love with it. If it’s around, I want to be with it. When it’s not around, it’s all I can think about. I take it with me to the movies. I keep it close to me in times of stress. I even buy it from Girl Scouts who peddle it in boxes.

So to discover a half-eaten box of Good & Plenty, a candy Wikipedia so lyrically describes as, “a narrow cylinder of sweet black licorice, coated in a hard candy shell to form a capsule shape,” was like Christmas & Halloween rolled into one; one perfect pink candy “colored with red dye made from the crushed bodies of the female cochineal insect.”

As I bit into the first piece, much to my absolute astonishment, I realized it was still fresh; fresh being a relative term. I ate the whole box. It was, in fact, good, and half a box later, turns out…it was plenty.

If there is a twelve-step program for sugar addicts (editorial note: if there is please do not tell me about it), I’m sure I’d become an habitual repeater…kind of like that kid in your second grade class who needed help buttoning her jacket. Oh yeah…she’ll be back next year.

Some people revel in claiming that a certain vice does not “define” them. I have no problem with embracing the sugar monkey on my back. I welcome my sugar overlord with open mouth. And the best thing about sugar? It doesn’t judge you. It’s your fat friend who’s just grateful to be part of your life. If it were a perk it would be getting bumped-up to first class. It’s the rosette of frosting on the cake of life. It’s sugar. Sweet child o’ mine.

Have to stop now. Feeling that 3:00 cookie rush fading. Need something sweet. Maybe I dropped a GooGoo Cluster behind the dryer?

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